Day 196: At the end of rope.

Today. What shall I say about today?

It started off OK, early but OK. We went to the preschool to pick up the hamper, a full grocery cart worth of food and stocking stuffers. A good haul. Drove to the food bank to drop it off. Asked for a short (educational)tour for my girl. "This," I thought "is what Christmas is all about." Giving. Doing good.

So, how, by the end of the day, did it get to the point of wanting to wad the tangled mess of outdoor Christmas lights into a ball and throw them with all my might out in the rain, onto the street? Was it the failed attempt at Three-layer Peppermint Bark (that I had planned to gift) followed by a chocolate high (from "sampling" said failed chocolates) that left me feeling like a junky, wanting more and none all at the same time, driving, talking, doing like a crazy person? Or, the unexpected visit with detailed tour of the previous owner's new house as I attempted to sneak their mail into their mailbox followed by freak out by my child ? Perhaps, it's the pile of parcels, half ready, that I MUST mail tomorrow...and every year at about this time, as I rush, late, to the post office and have to mail everything express for a zillion dollars, I declare that next year I will start early so as not to get caught in this very same predicament. Well, I think this year is my worst...I have yet to even take my annual family Christmas card photo. Fifteen days away from Christmas and I have obligatory parcels to send to Texas and Alberta. These are musts...serious, never wavering, no excuses musts.

Right now, I feel rushed. I'm not even doing anything "right now" and I feel rushed. (Residual chocolate high?) This morning as we did our good deed, as we talked about it and sang Christmas carols as we drove around, Christmas felt good. Now, I feel like an hour glass, at the point when the sand is almost all gone and your frantically trying to win the game or finish your turn, and it's all panic and jumping up and down. That is me. Jumping up and down, freaking out.

Husby just came up from the "Man-Hole"". We kissed, looked at each other and both declared "I have a sore throat."

Perhaps that's it too.