Day 105:Day 26

I sit here, a forced sit (because I made a vow to myself), at the end of my rope and this day. But I sit here.

We got in a car accident this morning...a fender bender really, but it shook me. Was I not paying enough attention, slightly dazed from crappy coffee made in a teapot because my Bodum broke. Was it the rush? The traffic? Or simply that it was raining and, like the dude whose fender I bent said, "The roads are covered in all the oil from the summer and the rain has made it slick."

I saw it coming. In slow motion, as I stepped on the brake, as the car skidded and before I actually hit, I saw it happen and said, hands gripping the wheel, "Oh shit." Bracing myself.

And then a moment of shock. An "Oh great." No exclamation mark. Then, "Are you guys OK?" after my daughter exclaimed, "So, I guess we're in a car accident." Not a question, just a knowing.

We saw one happen 2 weeks ago. She wanted the play by play for about a week. "Was it truck, car, van or truck, car, car?" She liked the part where I told her that a kettle flew out the back of the truck, hit the car, which slowed and got bumped by the van. She particularly liked that it was a kettle.

The guy was cool. An older, grandfatherly sort of guy. He made sure we were OK then checked that we weren't leaking fluids.

When he drove away I said, "Now Mommy is going to cry." And I did.