Day 101: Day 22

I just got back from my 'Sustainable Gardening' class. 30 sessions of learning more about plants and gardening, more layers of understanding, more possibility. A positive spin to end this day.

Until 5:30, when I left for my class, we dealt with lice. That's right, pyrethrin treatments, 8 loads of laundry, and mad vacumning. Today I cracked, only slightly, but creapingly, overwhelmingly, I felt the verge of meltdown.

My mother-in-law, witness to the crack, advised me to "take a breath", which I did, before and after tears. Taking a breath, taking that moment to feel the breath breathe through is, and probably always will be, a good thing.

But, in class, learning about plant biology, about the why's and how's of plants, this stuck out.

Symbiotic relationships: That they need each other to work best.

I may be a lame-o, grumpy, bitch of a wife sometimes...I may demand more than I should, or expect too much. I may meltdown. But I NEED my husby to work best.

I really do.

I'm holding myself together but I want him to hold me. I want to let go and have him be in charge, or atleast pretend for him to be in charge (cause we all know that I just can't let go of THAT much control). I want, "It'll all be OK" and "You're doing good". I want that peace.

I've been a single parent for over 3 weeks now and it sucks.